The Overview

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A view, a different view

View on relationships

I’ve listened to, read, heard about and myself experienced the wondrous thing called inter-human relationships. The most common aspect in most of the stories is that they start off wonderfull but after a certain point the relationship goes awry most likely ending in tears and pain. Most know the story, you find that special someone, fall madly in love, spend some time together – be it days / months / years – only to find yourself after that period wondering what has happened, or what you were thinking, before starting on a journey to the exact same thing with somebody else.

It seems we believe, or should i say that we like to believe, that things will forever be the same, and we can just pluck out of our minds any thought about changes to ourselves or what is happening around us. We actively refuse to believe that the person we are with, with whom we are so in love, may only be with us for a short period of time, just as long as they have to or want to. We pride ourselves with this endeavor claiming we are living the moment, carpe diem as they say. But what we are actually doing is just being egocentric, finding something that makes us feel fuzzy inside and then just pretending it belongs to us, that it is ours and we deserve it. Truth be told, nobody deserves somebody else. If someone decides to share his or her life with you, he does so by their own consent and not because they owe you something or because they are bound to you. They just choose to do so. Like they can choose to end that relationship

Of course most people like to dependent on others, to be depended on and as well to make others be dependent of them. And go to great extents to achieve this. This is common in almost any relationships, be they friends, lovers, family ties or anything else. We use a sofisticated web varying from words to actions and feelings to make others feel that they need to stand alongside us. Some of these methods create make people feel good while others make them suffer, but the purpose is still the same. We just like having servants around us.

It’s obvious that this kind of interaction is bound to be short live, as it does not actually have the interest of all the parties involved in mind. Each one just follows it’s own instinct and will to get it’s needs satisfied ussually just limiting him/her-self to that.

The most funny thing is that this is valid for each of the persons involved. So in a typical relationship both the man and the woman each have different needs they try to fulfill by actively using the  other one, and in most cases without actively expressing this intent. The hurting comes from this difference in what we say and what we do. Basically we are not sincere, which is something that is quite obvious to everyone living in the modern world. The worst thing is that we are not even sincere to our own selves. What I mean to say is that we don’t even admit to ourselves that we want to use the person next to us just for our own purposes, let alone to the person in question. Why don’t we do that ? Because we would judge ourselves for doing that. We would see ourselves as a bad guy manipulating others around us for our whims. And we block that out,  as our consciousness cannot deal with a negative image of ourselves; we have to be the good guy, at least in our minds. Ironically, by denying what we want to do we end up doing exactly that, and motivate it by blaming others for any incovenience we experience.

Aren’t we just wonderful ?

Filed under: Of Mice and Men

Our mind

The human psyche is indeed a wonderful thing.

On one hand it has us driving ourselves and our bodies to the utter limits in pursuit of what seem to be unfathomable goals and ideals, bending the world around us to our will, moving us in ways we never thought possible, while on the other hand completely denying us any change that may affect its perceived image about itself, trying to squeeze as much time as possible before any major change is accepted in our life. 

So what do we do with it ? Or better yet, who are we ? Are we just the perceived image or images of our psyche? Or is our psyche a part of us ? Depending on the point of view one can succesfully argue for both these stances, most likely involving the existence of feelings on both sides. But sure enough as well as our feelings may be created as consequences of our psyche’s actions so can our psyche be influenced by our feelings.  But let’s leave these things as they are for now.

Tracing back our steps to our innermost thoughts, what should we do ? Should we just embrace every change that comes about? Why ? What would one achieve doing so ? Some say experience, the experience of something new. But then again is the action of refusing a change not the same ? Is it not still a change, even though it is a refusal? Is perseverance not something new?

 I believe that the answer is both yes and no. While you can do either in order to obtain *new* experiences, you can also do either and obtain nothing new. Refusing to acknowledge our entire thoughts, not shedding light on the deepest corners of our psyche will lead us to taking faulty decisions, and continue experienceing the same routine over and over even though we almost honestly believed we changed it.

So what does our psyche want? What drives it? Is it our wish to excel, to succeed? Is it society, our brethren quietly telling us what to do? Is it our doubts, our fears? I do believe that there is an answer to this question but also that the answer is particular to each and everyone asking the question.

For this we just have to be honest to ourselves, otherwise we are just pawns in our own twisted game.

Filed under: Of Mice and Men